Hey! Free stuff!
The next few posts are to try and drum up some interest and attention for Lexx Unauthorized, Volume 2. [Seriously! I’m trying to sell this book. So if you’re reading this, do me a solid, share the link, pass the word, and circulate this to anyone out there who might possibly be interested? I’d be ever so grateful!]
I thought I’d take people on a little trip down memory lane.
Lexx was a late 1990’s, early 2000’s Canadian cult television series about a group of fugitives fleeing on board a gigantic living space ship. The crew consisted of a red suited former prisoner, a mysterious black clad former agent of the evil empire, a plant lady, a half-alien woman, and an animatronic puppet, notable for wacky situations, occasional nudity and off the wall humour.
Farscape was a late 1990’s, early 2000’s Australian cult television series about a group of fugitives fleeing on board a gigantic living space ship. The crew consisted of a red suited former prisoner, a mysterious black clad former agent of the evil empire, a plant lady, a half-alien woman, and an animatronic puppet, notable for wacky situations, occasional nudity. and off the wall humour.
Okay, they weren’t quite identical. Farscape was a lot less nihilistic, less surreal, and featured an American astronaut, John Crichton, trapped in deep space with the crew of fugitives learning to survive. In the first series, Crichton got beat up a lot but as time went on he drifted into the heroic american hero mold. The series had a lot more animatronic puppetry, I think that the Henson people were more involved.
They were both part of that post-Star Trek backlash that rebelled against the ST:NG sensibility that included a number of other series, like Battlestar Galactica, Starhunter, Babylon 5 etc.
Anyway, I loved them both. At the time they were on, I used to frequent Bulletin Boards discussing each. It was fun. I made friends, we had lively weird discussions. I did a bit of writing, a bit of speculation.
And I accidentally created The Bobs.
Who were The Bobs? They were cosmic rednecks, Jim Bob Turhok, Billy Bob Truckstop, and Bob Bob Roberts, divine beings of awesome power, low intelligence and lower appetites, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Imagine Star Trek’s Q, with less intelligence, less taste and a more active libido.
I think they were inspired somewhat by Pa Golene from White Trash, somewhat by the players from Brigadoom, and somewhat by a B-movie reviewer name Joe Bob Briggs (real name John Bloom), whose colourful language I amped up to 11.
They started off as a bit of gag writing – by the third series, there were all these incarnations of Zev – Eva-Zev, Red Headed Xenia-Xev, Blonde Xenia-Xev, Cluster Lizard Zev. Lisa Hynes Zev, Little Girl Zev, Tub of goo-Zev. I thought they should fight it out to see which one would be the Ultimate Zev, and that idea was so ridiculous, I just went completely over the top.
Once the Bobs were born, they kept coming back. They were just wild malevolent fun! Completely amoral, utterly dense, and with a propensity for mangling the language in absolutely beautiful ways. Eventually, I started writing ‘Lexx vs Farscape’ the Ultimate Death Battle, where the Lexx characters would face off against their equivalents in Farscape.
Here’s a sample of what the Bobs were like….
THAT’S IT, WE IS PULLING THE PLUG ON YOU TWO’S….. ER, NOT IN ANY WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL HEMOGLOBULE SENSE YOU UNDERSTAND, WE IS SPEAKING PURELY METAPLEXORICALLY YOU’D UNDERSTAND, CUS’N WE….
BILLY BOB, HOW’S WE GOIN’ TO PULL THE PLUG ON EM. THEY’S GOT TO BE PHYSICALLY SEPARATED AFORE WE CAN BEAM EM ON OUT.
NICE GOIN’ BOB BOB!!! MAYBE YOU WANNA GIVE EM YOUR GRANNY’S RECIPE FOR JAM’N AXEL GREASE TOO?
SHET YOUR MOUTH, BILLY BOB!!! MY GRANNY NEVER GREASED AN AXEL IN HER LIFE, CEPT’IN THAT TIME SHE RAN THAT CATHOUSE IN BATON ROUGE AN THAT DON’T COUNT.
SHUCKS BOB BOB, YOU GRANNY GREASED MORE AXELS THAN FORD MOTOR COMPANY. SHE BE WHAT WE MIGHT CALL A FULL SERVICE AUTOMOTIVE CENTER WITH A CAR WASH ON THE SIDE!!!
I’M A WARNING YOU BILLY BOB….
It was fun, it was evil, and I actually had fans back at Salter Street. Michael McManus even made a reference to it once. As Jim Bob Briggs would say…. “Check it out!”
The Awesome Sagas of the Godlike Bobs!
Battle for the Ultimate Zev
Is Chianna a Hooker?
Is Kai Gay?
LEXX vs Farscape – An epic in eleven parts
WARNING – Unholy, Inhuman and politically incorrect things are done to the English language here that warp the very fabric of space time into a pretzel straw. It’s meant to be read out loud, but if you do so, you will either laugh hilariously, or have a stroke. This was some of the most wickedly fun writing I ever did.
And as a bonus…. If you’re still reading, here’s the tentative chapter list for Lexx Unauthorized, Volume Two!
Prologue – End of the Beginning
The Plan and other Stuff that Went Wrong
Space is the Place
Creating New Worlds
His Divine Shadow Almost Returns
Departures and Arrivals
The Lexx You Never Saw – The Return of His Shadow trilogy
Mantrid – Lexx 2.01
The Lexx You Never Saw – Lament for a Love Slave
Terminal – Lexx 2.02
The Lexx You Never Saw – My Bonnie
Lyekka – Lexx 2.03
Luvliner – Lexx 2.04
The Lexx You Never Saw – Brunnen H
Lafftrack – Lexx 2.05
Stan’s Trial – Lexx 2.06
Love Grows – Lexx 2.07
White Trash – Lexx 2.08
The Lexx You Never Saw – Sniff the Bliss
791 – Lexx 2.09
Wake the Dead – Lexx 2.10
Nook – Lexx 2.11
Norb – Lexx 2.12
The Lexx You Never Saw – the original Heaven and Hell
Twilight – Lexx 2.13
The Lexx You Never Saw – The Salesman
Patches in the Skay – Lexx 2.14
The Lexx You Never Saw – The Clizzards of Woz
Woz – Lexx 2.15
The Lexx You Never Saw – Prison Planet
The Lexx You Never Saw – Dorkadia
Web and Net – Lexx 2.16 and 2.17
The Lexx You Never Saw – Lexxstacy
The Lexx You Never Saw – Last Days of the Brunnen G
The Lexx You Never Saw – the original Brigadoom
Brigadoom – Lexx 2.18
The Lexx You Never Saw – Flytrap
The Lexx You Never Saw – Passion Flower
Brizon – Lexx 2.19
The Lexx You Never Saw – Big Bertha
The End of the Universe – Lexx 2.20
Apocryphal Lexx – The Second Season Documentary
Interregnum – The Culture Wars, Canada Television Fund Strikes Back